Help Equestria
by Mlg Hurd
Summary: My standards of Fanfiction are seriously lacking, you probably shouldn't read or you'll get a mental disease, here's a sample: Twilight screamed in confusion as The Soviet Union renamed Equestria to Poland.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_**Author's note: Well it's time for more chaos in story format, I've done similar things for Wings of Fire by Tui T Sutherland and Game of Thrones by George R R Martin.**_

_**Get ready for mental illness!**_

Twilight screamed in confusion as The Soviet Union renamed Equestria to Poland.

Pinkie Pie for once was nonchalant so she went and committed die in a christian roblox server.

So Celestia built two towers that she called the Equestria trade center in Manehattan, but two planes accidentally hit it and caused a rift in space time that spewed out baby hands from only white babies (does anyone get that baby hand reference?).

So Drake did his Jedi training and Yoda ran over the Canterlot public with his 2006 Honda civic.

Then everyone stopped jabbing each other with butter knives to sing.

"Our Little Poland, Our Little Poland, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Our Little Poland,

We used to wonder what communism could be, until the Soviets shared it's magic with us.

Big conquests, tonnes of vodka, a bylatiful heart faithful and strong.

Sharing everything, it's an easy feat, and killing the Nazis makes it all complete, yeah Our Little Poland, to know we're our very best comrades." They sung.

Otto Von Bismarck then shot himself 4 times in the chest, after the bullets bounced off he shrugged.

So then Hitler hosted his show: Cooking with the Fuhrer.

So Thomas followed his orders and removed the thicc bois from Sodor.

Then Nightmare Moon died of heart disease and Discord laughed at my club penguin account which is called bigoof96.

Then I cheered loudly because my writing rate for this was amazing compared to my other stories.

So Gorbachev flying kicked the publish button.

_**Author's note: I apologise for those who had an expectation for fenfrition. **_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_**Author's note: Well here we go again, I actually got positive feedback so I suppose I shall carry on this madness.**_

Twilight Sparkle 2 electric boogaloo assembled the Maginot line from a box sent from IKEA, as she finished an artillery emplacement that faced west instead of east the changelings invaded.

"Fire!" She commanded in a magically amplified voice with maximum bass-boosting.

The artillery rained fire on Paris, which made André Maginot throw Twilight Sparkle 2 electric boogaloo into a wood chipper.

"Do you wanna hear my song?" Pinkie Pie asked the oppressed populous of Gallopoli .

"Sure, as long as it's not one of those sad ones with a deceptively happy tune." Said a colt that was immediately shot by a Guatemalan chicken.

"When you're rife with devastation

There's a simple explanation:

You're a toymaker's creation

Trapped inside a crystal ball

And whichever way he tilts it

Know that we must be resilient

We won't let them break our spirits

As we sing our silly song

When I was a little filly, a galloping blaze overtook my city

So they shipped me off to the orphanage

Said, "ditch those roots if you wanna fit in"

So I dug one thousand holes and cut a rug with orphan foals

Now memories are blurred, and their faces are obscured

But I still know the words to this song

When you've bungled all your bangles

And your loved ones have been mangled

Listen to the jingle jangle

Of my gypsy tambourine

Cause these chords are hypnotizing

And the whole world's harmonizing

So please children stop your crying

And just sing along with me"

*2012 FLASHBACKS INTENSIFIES*

Gallopoli was then attacked by upside-down ponies, which then died because of their incompetence.

A fat goblin applauded wildly at the chaos that was making Discord slightly envious.

The central powers were about to win WWI, but the Tsar called for help from the Ooftwaffe, the Robloxian airforce, that smashed the infrastructure of Germany, Austria-Hungary and The Ottoman empire into a state comparable to Siberia, so Bloxville stoled South Africa from Great Britain that went on an angry rant.

_**Author's note: Well that's chapter 2, this was rushed due to patchy small amounts of time I had allocated towards writing, now that school has started I will be writing at a steady(ish) pase.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_**Author's note: Time for more of this thing, Andrew9908 suggested I work on this next, so thanks to him/her/it and my other readers for actually taking the time to read my condensed shit.**_

A MARE HAS FALLEN INTO THE RIVER IN MANEHATTAN CITY, BUILD THE JEWISH PEGASUS, PREPARE THE PAYLOAD AND PUT THE MARE OUT OF HER MISERY.

THE NEW MANEHATTAN THERMONUCLEAR MISSILE COLLECTION.

Then Yeelight Sparkle got pissed that people though Manhattan (not Manehattan) was a city, because it isn't, IT'S A FUCKING DISTRICT OF NEW YORK.

So Spike the sax guy played his clarinet, which made a terrorist mildly irritated.

"It's big and gooey, saucy and chewy, what in my mouth? It's gotta be dicks!" shouted Barack Obama, the man that ruined America.

Barack then stopped at a goal beyond Michelle's understanding.

"Pizza pasta put it in a box deliver it to my house and put it on my cock my cock my cock my cock my cock my cock my cock cheesy on my peeny and some sauce a on my balls" sang Princess Molestia at molest fest.

"E" pronounced Alfred in a Yorkshire accent.

"HEY!" whispered the Jewish pegasus that was currently trying to not die from gas.

Adolf the Hitler was singing GAS GAS GAS in his concentration camp for the purpose of fore-shadowing the Jews.

Celestia then decided to release Stalliongrad, which proceeded to go on a conquest of the surrounding territories.

"UNO REVERSE '' screeched facist Olenia.

A MAN HAS CHOKED ON A LEGO-*cough* *cough*.

Applejack then lied to Princess Celestia the earth pony, which made Griffonstone annex Wingbardy, but the Dread League ran rampant over Griffonia, but the Griffonian Republic use S.

"OOH BABY IT'S tImE fOr WoRlD wAr TwO." said a cripple.

Iceland didn't appreciate Strongheart taking a nap in it's volcano, so Discord shot down 69,420 aircraft, through use of Baltimare Anti-Air.

Then I got annoyed because nopony was likely to get my Equestria at War references.

Fancy Pants promised the publi S, so he quickly became the new ruler of Equestria, much to the dismay of the fat bat ponies.

Then Fluttershy flying kicked the dragon for taking a nap, the dragon then decided to burn down Vanhoover, but nopony cared because the inhabitants spoke French.

An iceberg then hit Equestria and it sunk into the ocean within about 3.141592653 seconds.

"HAH" yelled Starswirl as he ate a Pi.

Then Trixie's leg got ripped off by a feral Zephyr Breeze.

"ZOUCH" She screamed in Danish.

Then Chrysalis Zerg rushed the remainder of drowned Equestria, which wasn't much and Molestia's guards were more incompetant than her civilians.

Then Hasbro copyrighted all the characters, so everypony had a ™ above their heads.

_**Author's note: sorry if my chaos writing is off, I haven't done this in a while.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_**Author's note: Figg frog, yeetly skeetly, let's do this, also I would like to say that I do not necessarily follow the political themes expressed in this story.**_

Pinkie Pie grabbed her 420.69 tonne sledge hammer and walked into her orphanage, she promptly smashed the everyone into a fine pulp, which she offered to Mao Zedong.

Mao Zedong drank it all, which caused the fandom to start shipping him and Pinkie Pie in what they called Pinkie Dong.

Then an oil leak happened, making shipping fuel go everywhere, Erwin Rommel took full advantage of it and used it to fuel Ghost Division, since Himmler apparently didn't have any regular fuel left, Erwin yeeted his division into Paris, so the French did what they did best, they surrendered.

Princess Celestia was proud so she got her sister to host another great Molest Fest.

So Discord went on discord, where he started counting to a very thicc number.

Then China finally recovered from Corona time, so Coronavirus 2 electric boogaloo yeeted everyone with help from Bernie Sanders, the communist dictator.

A Messerschmitt ME 163 Komet flew into a doorknob which Queen Chrysalis was planning on walking through, she did a 420 degree spin and walked into a wall, she did another 420 degree spin and walked away.

"Okay, hoomer." Said Homer SIMPson.

Then democracy admitted it was a mistake so Communism, Socialism, Fascism, Nationalism, Anarchy, Anarcho-fascism, Anarcho-communism, Anarcho-monarchism, Monarchism… I give up, there's way too many ideologies.

"Also contrary to the belief of the reviews this story was not made for the purpose of trolling, but for twisted comedy and the simple fact that I legitimately enjoy writing this." Said a connoisseur of memelicious content.

I then fell asleep and somehow twisted my ankle, and fell in a hole that turned out to be a gateway to Allah, who told me to play roblox rise of nations, play Egypt and establish the Islamic Caliphate.

This caused a katyusha rocket to teleport behind Chad (both the country and the person) and ask Obama to do a black flip.

"Y̴̡̛͙̔͐̑͋̽̂͋̀͐͠O̵̻̠͂̆͂̾̾̆͂̇͒̓͝Ų̷̞͙͖͖̼̥̯̪͓̼̪̬̗͚̈͛͗̎̽̿̓̈́̑̑̀̈̑́̚͝ͅ ̸̢̢̻͉̭̝̰̽̏̑̔̈͊̎̑̅R̷̛̝͉̣̥͆̀̌̒̂̂̅̇̔Ȩ̷̡̘̦͓̬͓̰̖̲͙̦̐ͅQ̷̟͚̻͖̹̹̗̖̩̱͚̾̀̒̎͋͗͑̀͜͜U̴̧̡̲͙̼͆̋̌̄͐̒ͅͅI̶̡̛͉͓̰̱͚̮̦͇͒̽͋͑̄̌̈̾̆̌̊͝͝ͅŔ̵͈̘͕̰̻̹͍̟̍̀̈́̐̉̈́̓̽͒̍͠ͅĘ̸̮̦̞̺̗̱͉͈̪̎̾̅͐͆̾͂̾͑̅͘ ̸̝̒̄͆̾M̵̡̧̛͓͚͚͎̩̋O̵̡̧̜̰͍͉͚͍̪̗̽̔͆̇́̀̒̌̓͂̄R̵̛̭̻̲͖̤͍̽̔̂̑́̽͒̉́̾͊̐̕̚Ẻ̶̔̏̓̅̐̎̓͒͋͂͗̆͝ͅ ̵̺̭͇̬͚̫̩͓̯͖͔̎́̃̂̚M̵̡̢̬̭̘̫̣̩̖͍̦͑̈I̷̬̫̔͗͊̀̇̑̏̀̀̓̕Ņ̸̧͕͉͔̯̼̞͈̗͔͚̩̟͂̊̎̽͂͒̈̒̚̚̕̚͠ͅḘ̶̢̫̟̞̱̭͚̩̣̀̌̏͗̿̈̃͒̅̍̄̕̕̚͝Ŗ̴͙̺̥̝̮͕̩̔̀̉̕A̶̤̎̿̉̉̈́̈́̾̉͊̊L̵̜̎̒̿̎̑̅̈́̿̐̈̊̔̎͝͝S̸̛̗̹̖̥̪̼̏̊̄͊̔̅̈́̅̕͝." Said starcraft 2, even though I HAD MORE THAN DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF MINERALS I NEEDED TO CONSTRUCT A CARRIER DAMN IT!

I would like to apologise if you struggled reading those lines.

So Alabama poked Starlight until she sang a song.

Three months of Siberia coolness

And awesome industry

We've kept our tanks warm at home

Time off from play to work

But the food is always running out

And we can't grow in this cold

And even though I love repelling the Nazis

This fashion's getting old

The time has come to welcome the spring offensive

And all things war-related

But it's also time to say goodbye

It's German blood we must clean

How can I help? I'm new, you see

What does everysoviet do?

How do I fit in without war crimes?

I haven't got a clue!

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

Let's finish off those fucking Nazis

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern bloc–

–Is here!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern bloc is here!

Bringing home the Siberian troops

A Trans-Siberian rail' job begins

And clearing all the German occupied lands

To let the Red army in

We move the Panzers

And we melt the German troops

When the Divisions push forwards

Their strength and power will show!

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

Let's finish off those fucking Nazis

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern bloc is here

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here!

Little Germans corpses

Under the snow and ice

We stomp on their heads

So brutally and efficient

We push into Europe

Burn their homes above

We welcome back the Siberian troops

So the Red Army can grow!

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

Let's finish off those fucking Nazis

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here!

No easy task to clear the strongholds

Plant our tiny bombs

With proper care and air superiority

Everyone it kills

Incendiary, high-explosive

armour-piercing too

We must advance so very hard

It's just so much to kill!

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

Let's finish off those fucking Nazis

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here!

Now that I know what we all do

I have to find my place in the army

And help with all of my strength

Tough task ahead I face

How will I help without my war crimes

Help the Russian way

I wanna belong so I must

Do my best this campaign,

Do my best this campaign!

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

Let's finish off those fucking Nazis

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

Seize Berlin! Seize Berlin!

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here

'Cause tomorrow the Eastern-bloc is here!

Starlight sang it with such melody and talent that we ignored her _small_ history as a war criminal.

_**Author's note: this took a lot of motivation to actually get this done, I've been putting it off for ages.**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_**Author's note: I have decided to finally sit down and commit an ill-advised act, which is of course: making another chapter of this story.**_

_**I haven't made anything for ages, which is partially down to me not writing during lockdown, and the fact that my school doesn't allow the library computers to be used during intervals and lunches, when that changes, I'll be back to making "content" at a regular pace.**_

"Mein gott" muttered Hirohito's 69th chin.

Afghanistan slurped up Pakistan's juices that India's pizza was supposed to be own, making the Sokoto Caliphate wanting to eat an onion, causing a wooden plank to spiral into a loop of sending random PMs to the first person that it comes across.

"Stop it." said the oWcHe

China proceed to claim the entire pacific ocean as the East China sea, making the UK declare war, but China threatened to make Vedinia eat the River Federation.

"You're thicc." shouted Yakyakistan in a Iranian accent at Celestia's moderately scorched pet.

"Oom, super bendy." spoke Meth's bag.

"Look at my Little Pony." commanded Discord to the slightly inflated helium ballon

The Helium balloon fell into a hole and cracked its non-existent ankle on Iraq.

"STOP TRIPPING ON ME!" Shouted Iraq in an Uqbekistani accent

Applejack proceed to trip on Iraq, which was so infuriating that Iraq blitzkrieged Iran, Saddle Arabia, Afghanistan, but Assad slapped the people of Iraq with the power of Allah, Celestia the thicc didn't like this one bit, so she threw 800 spies at the changeling lands.

"Get some help" Said Finland Olenia.

Celestia then set herself on fire, she called herself nightbreaker, because she wanted to pick up the night and drop it off a cliff, this didn't sit well with Rosa Maledicta.

"Who should we kill?" asked Otto von Bridle Mark

Rosa Maledicta then was shown in front of the yakko's world meme, except it was the EAW map.

Amelia the Ear decided to read more goddamn Opium (yeah, because that's something that you can read), Purpleie Purple liked that.

The Sprinkle Can decided to ea S, Sombra hated that so much that he stuffed Siberia into an apartment block.

"Oof." whispered a truck constructed of rods and balls.

SHE'S STEALING MY RODS AND BALLS! I said without quotation marx, in the language of circle-jerk.

"I'm an enlightened sentry, because I have a rational, modern, and well-informed outlook on guarding access to a place." said an enlightened Sentry.

The SS then threw stones from The Magical Land Of Germany, who's money printers were going brrrr.

"Would you like to buy this loaf of bread for 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, marks?" asked the Indian cashier, "also I need your bank account details for totally legitimate reasons."

"Yes." said the Nigerian Prince.

Genghis Khan disliked his glass of Juice, so he told a joke.

"So get this, 3 Jews walk into a shower… they leave through the chimney."

Spanish man laughed so hard that he threw portugal into the Red sea, Justin Beaver pony told him he was being racist, because he had posted on #Blacklivesdon'tmatter (A cause I fully support).

I then shot the beaver and yelled a to wake up, or I'll use the cock slicerTM on Hirohoto the hothead's enormous penis.

"You need to stop!" pleaded the people reading this story, seeing how I was dipping further away from sanity.

Hermann Göring wanted to not be associated with people showing actual concern for people's welfare, so he rode into the sunset utop his noble steed, Princess Twilight Sprinkle.

_Hah, you people actually believe I'm a real person, I'm just a fake persona conjured up by some people: someone made to try get maximum sympathy from the reading audience, and totally not some 13 year old male sitting in english class blasting Hearts of Iron 4: Waking the Tiger OST Empire of the Sun into his ears much louder than is healthy for him._

"Oh my god, that totally was like an amazing chapter." Said generic highschool female.

Alexander Hamilton shot her 4 times in the chest, Thotto showed clear disappointment when her ribs deflected none of the rounds.

_**Author's note: this chapter was patched together from times that I happened to have both a computer on hand and the motivation to do some writing, this was rather challenging, hopefully I'll be able to write normally soon.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_**Author's note: This absolute wild ride is currently my highest priority story that I expend the most effort on, I intend to keep it that way for a time to come, and now that I am able to work on this in school hours my productivity for this story should spike. Although I usually say I'm going to prioritise a story when I start making a chapter, then I give up on it, just like Rick Assley gave up on everything.**_

The White glockenspiel was disappointed in Alexander the Great's namesake, who was currently eating a bookshelf labelled _damn opium is pretty lit._

Jesus the absolute unit shat out the computer I'm currently writing with' S.

"Damn it!" I shouted at microhard word, which I DIDN'T WANT TO USE BECAUSE IT'S FOR BOOMERS.

Then Gollum decided to finally talk with me about his semen, which he said was a very interesting topic, I also quoted Lorx's sandwich in a Arabic accent.

Don Neigh was moderately traumatised by the proceedings, so much so that he held a speech about why the Countdown Carpark between the hours of 12am and 4am is an excellent place to spend a holiday.

Teh Mexican then consumed some horse meat, which he didn't find to his liking, much to the dismay of Yetley Ponk Rice (An OC that will never appear again and I will forget about).

"I did Bloshevik see that coming," Said Joe.

"Nah, it only works with the NSDAP party." Said Adolf.

"I did NSDAP see that coming," Said Joe.

"You're supposed to say: I did Nazi that coming," Adolf told Joe.

Starlight Glimmer was annoyed by the rephrasing of this slightly repetitive pun, so she started quoting people.

"With enough rhubarb you can blow up a house."

"NASA plans to probe deeper into Uranus than ever before."  
"He grabbed a crotch and popped it into his mouth."

"Don't take another suck"

"Hobobblerfishling"

"(GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (COPS CALLED) (IN THE HOOD) (FREE PORNHUB PREMIUM) SEX WITH KYLEIE JENNER) (DO NOT WATCH AT 3 AM) (DEADPOOL SAID HES GAY) (CARDI B TWERKED) (SEXY) (18+)"

On the last one Instant Churchill kashot her with a 800 millimetre MP44,so I pulled up nukemap and planned the bombing of the entire coast of South America for laughs.

I then stroked myself because SOMEONE ACTUALLY RESPONDED TO THE 118 MESSAGES I SENT THEM THROUGH FANFICTION PM.

"And while you're disrespecting Belgium's neutrality, make sure to send random PMs to MLG Hurd, he'll enjoy having a new person to spam." Said Kaiser mlehliW.

Yoda then fucked a window (Shit! I have to change the rating on Fimfiction).

"Eh, you'll be fine, it's not like anyone who gets this far will have enough sanity left in them to click the report button." Said Yoda as he continued embedding Richard Long into the window.

"WHAT'S WARM AND GOOEY, SAUCY AND CHEWY?, WHAT'S IN MY MOUTH? IT'S GOTTA BE DICKS!" Said a Richard Long-window hybrid as he crushed a computer in his mouth.

Kool Aid Man actually did something for the first time in (How many) chapters (that's assuming I've even mentioned him, but I usually do).

I then had a fart attack because Nice capitulated Useless, Disloyal Land.

"You damn Cuba." Uttered Burger.

" ! !" Uttered a madlad that was consuming some serious Hitler dong.

I then checked the like to dislike ratio on Fimfiction, and I was fucking disapointed, only 18 dislikes? What a disappointment, I was expecting at least 28,980 dislikes.

"hAhAhA tHaT's ThE fUnNy NuMbEr." said an intellectual

(for all you gronks, it's 420x69).

I Oofed my foot into a can of jars, which I had a dream about.

"I am depressed," lamented Turbulent Instability "I have seen the true beauty of a literature, and I will never be able to replicate such a masterpiece".

Hi my name is houj yes i no it is a weird name. We are going to miss the bus houj my mum said. So i got on the bus. **BOOM. **the bus was on a train!. **BOOM. **now the bus was on the titanic! AAA! Look a fish dad said. What i said. **BOOM. **now we are on the highway. That is good. Look a car mum said. What me and dad said.

**Boom**. the bus crash in to bus? That mum is in what mum is in?.and i am in? Hi me i said. **Boom**. we are on a train hmm look a broken railway that is bad boom we are in roblox jailbreak roblox player what! The ### he said as he ran a way. Boom. we are home!

Gogogogoogogoogogogogogogoogogogogogoggogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogoogogooggogogogogogogogogogogogogogoogogogogogo. I said boom. Is that a blak hole? Mum said. Yes i is dad said. Boom look at the iphonex i said. Boom. look a cat i said. Boom look a nuke said mum boom. Look a cow said dad. Boom ahhhhhhhhhh a ghost ma ha ha said the ghost. Boom bmgdrive i said what dad said why did i say that? I said. Boo boom not the bus boom but a nuke boom. Ahftbb. Boom not the nuke boom but the bus boom. Woff woff woff woff! A cat said?. What me and mum and dad said. Sam is the name of my mum. Sam are you a cow a man in a black t-shirt said. What no said sam. Me to i am not a cow said a cow. Boom!. The bus is on the highway look out! I said as the bus just miss a nuke. Boom as the bus went threw the Monty Python and the Holy Grail me and dad got guns. And. boom sorry i'm writing tiss as i am on the bus. Mum i said can i eat the gum. Yes said mum as i aet the gum i know that i was going to get sum food on the way. And we did. Boom the bus was on the highway but we had kfc on the bus yay me and mum and dad said. And that day we had kfc. Boom the bus was in the bus and that bus was in that bus ok you get the pont ummmm i said as i aet a hamburger. Boom the bus now was a boat shark! Mum said arrrrrrrrrr. Boom we are home agen. Boom we are on the highway agen. Boom the bus was a cat. Look at the food mum said you meen cat food i said yeet dad said what i said. Boom its raining tacos from out of the sky i said yum tacos my farit mum said me and dad and mum all ate tacos. Boom hiss said a creeper we are in minecraft i said wood said dad as he got wood then jump back on the bus. Boom a sin said i need wood. Boom max sam said look its the kid from the story the bus. Boom what just happened i said we just went in to a story dad said. Boom we are back on the highway fish for lunch said dad yum said mum as we aet the fish. Boom creeper ow man i said why did you say that mum said look a minecraft creeper i said oh mum said. Boom look at the me i said no not godzilla yes me i said. Boom what a Arsenal play said oof the arsenal play die most died but. Boom more kfc i said as kfc nuke me and dad hay i do not get kfc mum said. The and or is it?

(That was a story that my brother made).

Shining Armour (Fuck America) muttered something about Islamic sauce as he Hurd this.

" "Said David the Wallace remover

Hello.

Stop.

T.

We can't all be as charming as me.

I'm fucking narcasistic as a Heater.

Don't Ask me where that came from.

Because I don't know the answer to that.

Oh well.

Tasty Gromit flesh.

No, I did not eat your dog, you rasis.

That's pretty lit, you gotta admit.

God, why do I need so many placeholder lines.

Wait, I know the answer.

Also I like boomers for dinner.

Dammit, Gromit, i'm going to eat my own crotch.

I wonder what this chapter's word count is gonna be?

I ate flour yesterday.

_**Author's note: That's another chapter of Help Equestria done, in all seriousness I am very thankful to everyone who has taken the time to read this, the people that somehow enjoy this.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_**Author's note: "Neo-liberals deserve to go eat a fetishes plant."**_

_**That's my quote of the day, now for this story, I am sorry that this chapter has taken longer to get out than expected, I was occupied by helping someone write an obscure story involving war crimes, Winnie the Churchill fetish, rape, and structed chaos designed rather like this story.**_

_**(I, as in the person mentioned above am also beta reading and invading this intro for no reason but to annoy the author. For those unaware of what that means, basically I'm a cave gremlin who lurks in the docs who occasionally spell checks for this loony and makes sure the story is up to only the finest quality of shitposts. Why do you care? You don't. This will most likely get deleted so you're not actually reading this. Unless you are in which case you have one one free ticket to the Nanjing Rape Party and Jew Barbeque. Huray! Now scurry off you filthy little dirt children before I melt your teeth into my cave gremlin stew.)**_

"STOP UNPLUGGING MY DAMN ETHERNET CABLE YOU HOBHULINGOBGRANDE!" I yelled as I cast Georgely boi into the Andromeda Galaxy, which promptly proceed to be annoyed at that subtle alliteration, which only happened because it was annoyed at my absolute alliteration, which wouldn't have happened if they weren't annoyed at something that wouldn't have happened if they didn't get frustrated at it.

"Leave the incomprehensible, unfollowable trains of thoughts to me." Said Pinkie Pie as she forcibly injected Autism into a random Appleosan.

"You don't understand, existence is meaningless and we're all going to die." Insisted The Democratic People's Revolutionary Democratic Republic of Democracy.

"''' ''''' '' '''''" Said the Llama that was overfond of contractions.

"Holy E, I just Medleyed my cock." said the sexy Japanese man.

Princess Friendship of Friendship then was irritated because I had to add the "Sex" tag on Fimfiction, and while she was a t it, she added all the other warning tags.

The Greenhouse banged a non-consenting Winnie the Churchill, then ripped him open.

"There, now I've achieved like 3 warnings in a single sentence." Said the Author that was being locked in a basement and made to do more work on this story (Help me, please).

Then Franz Ferdinand decided that he had enough of the Sebian Nationalist's shit, so he shot himself, making the Serbian Nationalist lose his sense of purpose, so he fell into a crippling depression that was comparable to a toaster that was crushed by a stapler.

Then the 120ml bottle of screen clean ate a Russian sea, which made Russia moan, as it wanted warm water, because Peter had a warm water fetish.

"WASHING MACHINE IS MASTERBATING" said MeTh

Turbulent Instability found this more disturbing than the banning of r/darkhumorandmemes.

"That bourgeois Jew needs more piglets." Said The man that fell into the river, "I used to rule the world."

"You kittyfucker, go eat a Papist's lunch in a pseudo-German accent whilst shouting at the person behind me to DAMN STOP READING THE STORY I'M WRITING." Said Wreck Ashley.

Hermane Göring ate Thoto Von Bismarck's Bismarck Class Battleship, which made Kool Aid man launch himself into Isis's space fleet consisting of over 489469374073949388377837837837833838737383 spacecraft.

"You've got to stop" insisted Gergerrreeee to me counting to a ridiculously large number.

I almost hung myself following the Monday Purges of Reddit.

"Let's have a moment of silence for those who didn't make it." Said the survivors.

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"NEIN, NOT R/DARKHUMORANDMEMES!" I Lamented in a vaguely friction accent.

This caused Monty Python to ejaculate the entire bee movie script out of the tendrils floating out of his Indonesian colony.

Equestria MK3083664885356784983637853875898765475565759541651945757192946245156124346987654858364885674514761485455265467255456742742745427214545271457465754467577464525756645654268445754555272425642754452245452754567281 Disliked the taste of liquid zoomer.

Cheesy Chive drank all of my Nigger Koolaid, so Kool Aid Man raped his sister.

Causing Turbulent Instability to moan something about Libleft having a hard anal sex orgy on the frontlines while the Centrists grilled to feed their orgy.

_**Author's note: This chapter was meant to be substantially longer, but in a few days I'm going on term break, so I figured I should just publish what I have so far, I probably won't write anything for a while now, because I'm going to be too busy pouring all of my hours directly into a computer's CPU.**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_**Author's note: It's funny that I'm currently making plans for chapter 10, when this chapter will probably take a month to cobble together, then a bit more from chapter 9, the way things are going, I think we'll be on chapter 10 by September, unless of course I stop writing this in favor of attending to my utterly unattended other stories, which come to think of it, I should probably get around to that at some point.**_

_**Also I've decided against my better judgement (what fun is judgement?) that I will designate part of my author's note to that Lurker that beta reads for me.**_

_**What? What do you cretans want this time? What's that? The author wants me to say funny ha ha's again? Is that what you want? Haven't I given you filthy bastards enough? Im not a freelance comedian here. Those tickets cost me a fortune you know? 9934723875823758478378739437583758475694206661337 Cave Gremlin pennies. Each. and i barely got enough teeth out of it for a single serving of stew. How was that party by the way? I'm sure you had fun. Them girls over there put up quite the fight from what i hear. But that's besides the point. Tell you what: because i'm so nice this time if you see this you get 3 full hours in the Zyklon B showers free of charge. That's right. Normally only the Jews get that "privilege" but I can arrange a special order. who knows? Perhaps a stay at the Dachau Hotel can be arranged for you as well? Now scurry off now. I have some masturbating to MLP futa hentai to do. Go back to watching your regularly schedualed shitshow ) **_

"No great stories start with water." Said someone I could not remember.

I drank 3974789292987462781923866378 gigalitres of water to prove that particular individual wong, but I accidentally ended up converting the entire population of Sealand into hydrogen, which actually didn't do much, considering Pope Francis had gone on a rampage across the universe and all the other places too, then he told all the women to shut up and get on his horse, which made Princess Luna collapse into a black hole from the gravity.

"Heh" said a morbidly retarded Goblin that was currently spanking a hobgob FOR PUTTING LAKE WATER INTO MEH DAMN NOODLES.

Then Iran sang with glee:

Yee-hoo!

racist barn, racist barn

One, two, three, four

Together, we can racist barn

One, two, three, four

Up, up, up, go the beams

Hammer those Muslims, work in teams

Turn 'em round quick by the right elbow

Grab a new African, here we go

Yeah!

Come on, Apple family! Let's get to it! Wee-hoo!

racist barn, racist barn

One, two, three, four

Together, we can racist barn

One, two, three, four

Finish the slave pens, recycling wood

Workin' hard, you're doin' good

Turn 'em round quick by the right elbow

Grab your partner, here we go

Yeah!

Whoo-whee!

racist barn, oh, racist barn

One, two, three, four

Together, we can racist barn

One, two, three, four

Crates of Chinese people come off the ground

Hold 'em up and nail 'em down

Turn 'em round quick by the left elbow

Grab a new partner, here we go

Yeah!

Come on, Apples! Get 'er done!

Look at us, we're family

Workin' together thankfully

We Apples, we are proud to say

Stick together the pony way

Bow to your partner, circle right

Get down if you're xenophobic

Forward back and twirl around

The barn's gonna be the best in town

Yeah!

Yee-haw! Attagirl!

Alright, let's get to it!

racist barn, racist barn

One, two, three, four

Together, we can racist barn

One, two, three, four

Take your rifles, young and old

Together, shoot them, fast and bold

Turn 'em round quick by the left elbow

Grab a new partner, here we go

We made a racist barn, we made a racist barn

Yes, we did

Together we sure made a racist barn

Yes, we did

Being together counts the most

We all came here from coast to coast

All we need to strive to be

Is part of the Apple family

Yeah!

"I probably should've added that to my story a while ago", said Instant Churchill.

"I'm also considering changing the layout of my speech, Lorx kind of shat upon my layout, because I wrote Gob story with him." He added.

"Screw it; I'm doing two song parodies in this chapter," Shouted the whisperer.

Holy shit

I am not Harambe

Kill yourself, weeb

Chicken nuggets

You will never get the suck

I'm so distressed right now

The fucking fuck

This is so fucked

YOLO

"Fine, that wasn't a parody, It's just too perfect." He admitted.

Then that German composer person *snaps fingers* Tchaikovsky something decided to steal Russia's entire supply of artillery cannons and he shot trillions of tonnes of ammunition into the air to make The 2020 Overture..

"Go 13.4% yourself, you nigger bitch ass fucker shit fucker shiter asshole crack opium shithole fucking nigger negro orange man hobhulingobgrande shrekoes that got dipped into a glass of je-juice." I said as Andrew9908 Glass of juice.

hobhulinshreakgrandelorxsidecharacterluukhaffarravellhurdfilthyladyaesmellyrevoltingunopulentramblingmiraculouslyincompetentgobhobc'thulukthanidgayfroglickinggobmanoldrustybeheadedquoxwhoclapswhentheplanelandsandeatshisownmucuswhilespontaniouslycombustinginthetoiletyellhobgoblinqiblialexjonesindianajoneslorxjonesidiotnottheexplorerfrickinggayhobgoobertonedeafanusdragon'searondrugswhotellskidstostayindrugsanddon'tdoschoolhaveyoureadthisfaroramidoingthisfornothinganywayyou'reafoolishfiendishfrickingfriedfroghulinyeeterunmlglizardnibblerwithamentalhandicapspecificallyyeetitishobhulinusthat'sthescientificnamealsothisisgetreallyhardandannoyingandchallengingandirritatinganddifficultandfrustratingandtrickyandexasperatingsosoonimightjustresorttosayingyeetandfrickseveraltimesalsoiwasoriginallyhopingtofilltheeightthoisandcharacterlimitbutit'sprovingtohardandannoyingandchallengingandirritatinganddifficultandfrustratingandtrickyandexasperatingsoimightgiveupsoonerratherthanlaterbuti'llatleastkeepgoingforabitlongerihopeyouarestillreadingthisbythewayyoubirdbrainedhulingutscoveredinsectwithelephantitisbecauseifyouarenotiwillhavewastedabouthalfanhourofmyprecioustimebythewayifyou'restillheredoypuknowifthemessagechainslashconversationhasawordslashmessagelimityouewillhavenpticedthatisaidspashseveraltimesjustthenandthatremindsmeofcomedygoldyouknowthestorythatwewroteandthebitwherehe'slikethat'snotabracketthat'saslashandthenhe'slikethisisaslashexclamationmarkorsomethingalongthoselinesanywayyou'reagreghorndenjuftiskirTHICCyeetergobhobbler42firebarrierfanboyravell'sreamainseaterslobfoolingetitslobfoolinsoundslikehobhulinhahai'mhilariousandi'mjustgonnarestorttoyeetsandfricksnowokayyeetfrickyeetfrickyeetfrickyeetfrickfrickfrickyeetfrickyeetyeetthiccyeetfrickyeetfrickyeetyeetyetlefrickyeetfrickfrickfrickfrickyeetfrickfrickyeetyeetfrickyeetfrickdidyouspotthetwooddonesoutihopeyoudidokayi'msickofthisnowseeyouhobhulinshrekmarshlorxhurdgrandehaffarjuftiquoxravell'stoejameatingkeltabomination!

I'm running into so many problems with my creativity that I'm resorting to copy and pasting things that I got sent or I feel would be somewhat suitable for this story, It's already like 3 pages on google docs, despite barely putting any effort into this, making this probably the highest content to work ratio on any of my chapters (I don't include those 2 sentence things I published, if fimfiction readers wish to see them, go into my profile and there's a link to my fanfiction account.

"I promise piece" Said Adolf as he took another piece of Europe.

Yugoslavia was annoyed at its instability, so it blew up Shanghai through use of excessive thicc catapults constructed from naught but Dave's ass cheeks.

"Tasty" Said Kool aid man's girlfriend who was currently getting banged on Television.

"I'M GOING TO DOUBLE RAINCOOM" Said Ronbo Dosh, who had a hockey stick handle up her assthotovonbismarck.

"BEAST OF STEE-" Sabaton was cut off by Thoto Von Bismarck assuring them that he was in fact: not a battleship.

"A CHANCELLOR OF IRON" They corrected.

Spanish man found this so funny he threw his knee cap across the Black sea, then Auth-right found out about the sea, so it shot the sea several thousand times with a Luger that MontyPython was kind enough to lend them.

THE LARCH

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No, I'm not Doing a *silence* again.

THIS IS MY 69TH PAGE OF THIS STORY, I chuckled without quotation marks, due to a mistake and not being bothered enough to fix it.

"Hello, my name is Hitler Mussolini and I like boobs" Spoke Hitler Mussolini.

"I'm pretty sure in my country, I'm not legally allowed to be writing smut, I'm not sure if this qualifies, but I'm doing it anyway." Said someone that was being increasingly pressured to create more ideas, when he was clearly hard pressed to think of _anything_ in the first place.

"Hey, Stalin, do you by any chance know where those 12 million peasants went?" Asked Boob Ross.

" S" Said Princess Rowena, who was traumatised by my flour-eating habits.

(I would tell you the story, but honestly I can't be bothered).

D.

"Undoubtebly absolutely impossibly plausibly questionable?" Questioned someone asked to describe my sanity.

_**Author's note: After a little while, I've decided to cut this chapter short, hopefully I think of something interesting to fill next chapter, also for those who aren't aware, I have something special planned for Chapter 10, I'm getting my fans to assist with it's creation, so far, I've gotten some great contributions.**_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

_**Author's note: Okay, we're one chapter from the special, If you want to put in some last minute contributions, then you can look through my blog posts on fimfiction "Special Help Equestria Chapter upcoming".**_

_**Although, I suspect that by the time you're reading this, I would've already started progress on chapter 10, but contributions would still be nice, even if you're reading this like years into the future when I'm on like chapter 69 of this.**_

_**Sup bitches *consumes soul of the nearest fool next to me* its ya boi cave gremlin here. Now for your ha ha funnies for this **_⬛❒▣_²³ we have:_

_T̶̢̡̡̧̡̧̨̢̨̡̡̧̨̨̢̢̢̡̧̡̡̧̧̢̨̛̛̛̛̛̹͓̻̲̟̙̗̼̳͖̗͎̘̰̞͕͓̗̻̪̰̹͈̺͇̙̯̺͇͚̼̭̱͖̥̙̟̟͍͇͙̺̟̥̯̮͖̥͕̭͔̪̭͍̭̫̳̥̦͎̳̬͇̙̜̻̖̥̦̝̜̮̞̥̬͎͔̫̯̱̬̱̭̠̬̩͎̺̪͍̳̹̹̳͕̤̞̠̲͖̝̟͕͍̩͔̝̬̜͚̬͓̪̣̳̱͔̝͓̝͍̥̱̗̹̬̱̪͓̯̜̰͔̦̺̮̥̦͖̻͇̭͉̟̯͉̹͕̫̟̥̺̥̱͚̫͓̜̩̝̗̟̬̳̟͈̯̳̬͙͉̻̻̥̖͇̪͙̲̗̼̭͎̮̠̰͙̘͚̞̰̠̹̯̝̬̰̙̻̯̩͚͉̫͇̼̱̻̦̺͇̻̹̖̳̩̰͈̙̦̠̬̻̗̟͚̱̝̻̖̥̼̲͇̰͈̳͉̞͈̫̰̗̫̝̘͚̬̯̟̞̳̘̫̦̤̆͋͋͐̄̑͛͂͒̂̐͂̓̊͆̏̓͋́́͆̇͆͌͌̔̐͋̑̅̈́̔̑͌͑̔̐̆́͋̽͊̀̑́̀̈́́̉̐̽́̊͊͌͛̀̄̅̄̊̿͑̈́̈́͋͒̂͗́͛́̔̓̉̈̔̾̆̄̄͗͋̔̐̎͑͂̀̅̓̆̇̒̑̌̍̊͒̊̂̽̈́̈́̌͑̀̔̿̾̓̂̈́̂̉̒́͌̈́̀̓́̃͐̄̑̈́̇̅̌̀̇̾̈́͑̊̾̅̅͛͑͗̑̀̈́̇̔̽̄̈͐̔͑̌͐̄̋͒̅́̈́͗̾̊̾́̓̐̋̌̿́̃̀̽̈́̾͋̌̋̈͆̚̚̕̚̚̚̚̕̚͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͜͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͠͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅḦ̸̡̡̡̢̢̨̧̡̧̢̡̛̭̟͍̘̭̪̝̣̭͍̟̻̦̳͔͓̙̠͇͈̤̲̳̘͕̳̫̼̭̩̙̜͚̯̙̱͕̣̫̥͙̩̯͈͖̪̜͉̼̩͇̼̘̪̮̜͖̗͈̹͚̺͖̝͈̮̭̦̼̪̺͖͖͚̠̻̺̩̳͇͇̻̥͎͎̪̦͔̣̗͙̮̠͕͇̣̤͉̭̪͚̟̰̭̦̦̠̟̤͇̲̖͔́̎̄̾̀̒͊̆̆̽̈̿͐͆̇́̓̀̊̔͆̌͑̈́͗͒̑̕͘͝͝͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅĘ̶̨̧̢̨̛̛̛̛̛̟̗͍̪̞̫̘͎̱͚̞͍̗̞͇̰̙͓̙͕͉͈̱̬̞̲͈̤̼̞̩̳̠̼̗̠̬̹̘͚͓̣͕̺̬̳̤̞͓͈̝̱͔̝̳̮͕̫̩͂̓͛̏̈͛̏̽͋̎͌͌̊̏̅̓̍̿̔̊̍͂̽̄̈́̀̔̃̈́͋̆̐̏̃̐́̽͌̀͊̋̒̎̅̍͊̄̓͐͗̋̄͊͗̿̔̿̿̌͛͗̔̌̆̍̍̾͗́̆̇̋͐͆̀̎͒̍̈́̄͂̋͊͛̇́͒̈́̒͛̏͒͌̾̉̏̉̎̑̆̃͛͑̊͊͌̅̋͐̏̄͋̋̑̏̾̉̆̔̓̈̎̆̐͛̐̄̐͆͒͊̀͊̓̿̐̂͊̅́͊̀̾̀̈̒̉͋̒̓̄̾͐͑͛͘̕͘̚̚͘͘̚͘̚͘̕̚̚͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅ ̵̢̧̢̧̨̢̨̢̡̛̮͈͎͙̘̜͍͕̗̙̩̻͕̺͙̩̹̦̤͕̼̠͕̹̺̫͇͈̱͈͔̹̲̰̺͓͉͈̰͙̬̝̦̱̦̻͙͙̼̘͔͍̮̜͓̬͙͖̦͓̥͎̤͍̻̞̜̳̘̝͙̪̳̜̙̻̭͔͎̜͖͍͔̠̪͔̪̼̖̥͈̩͚̱̜̗̮͖̝͙̳̗̹̗͉̞̦̙̬͇͉̘̯͉̬͍̝̟̮̞̼͚̳͚̘͖̪̬̽̈́̑́͗͜͜ͅͅͅV̶̧̡̢̢̧̡̢̛̘͖̰̻͎̭̗̲̻̱̼̗̖͔̖͔̳̘̝̟̜͔̝͙̣̖̗͕̤̮̝̖̟͓͔̭̮̖̻̝̼̼͉̜̥̼̝̤̦̗̞̠̫̹͉̪̤̣̭̟̹̭̺̮̫̙̘̮̥͇̼̰̩̝͉̳̠̰̹͉͖̯̟̙̳͕̳͖͙̰̗̟͇͇̤͚̬̣̲͍̜̘̫͖̳̣̣͖̰̭͓͖̭̹̮̭̗͖͕̠͇̋̽̎͊͗̈́͊̀͂̍̍̓̿̋̎͛̓̓̀́̽̒͋̃̔̌͑̅̏̈́̃̃̊̑̆̋̂̄̔̒̌̈͆͐̀͆̈͌́̑̀̈́̈́͑̂̓͋̈́̈́̐͐͊̔͒̈́̈̿̂̉̒̃̌͆̑͛͒̀̇͆̇͛̑̇̍̾̔͌̉̃̋͑͊̓̈́̿͗̇͂̂̈́̑͛̎̽̈͊̊̂́̑͆̈́̂͂̆͐́̇̀͋͌͌̅̎̉̒͐̀̇̋̃̾̐̕̚̚͘͘̕̚̕͜͜͜͜͜͠͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅͅͅͅƠ̶̢̢̢̢̢̡̡̡̨̨̢̧̨̢̢̡̢̛̛̛̻̞̠͖͙̖̳͕͚͕̞̼̱̞̭͍͓͎̤͍̟̝͈̤̫̜̼͓̤͓͈͍̙̞̙̝̞̩̰͕͉̘̜͉͖͍͕͕̱̲̻̗͍̤̙͍͇̘̯̜̣͇̝͎̟̞̩̺̺̠͕͈̻̦̮̩̻̝̯̟͖̬̞̱͕̝̝̺̫̩̥̹̬̞̱̩̼̟̰̗͔̬̭̲͈̝̻̝̖͐̈͛͆̋͌͊̑̿̽̈́̏͌̆͂̍̿͆̏́́̇̈́̉̌̀̃̓́̀̉̊̆̀̓̐̐̄͑͛̒́̄̉̏͋̔̃͌̈́̀͂̄́̅̾̅̽̍́̐͌͛͊̉̔̈́̈́͊̈́̿̊̈́̈́̈́͐͗̃̍͆̾̌̓͐̄̈́͛̑̽̇͌͆̿̿͊̑̒́̏̇̉͆̀̀̈́͌̓͂̆͐͗̓́̈̅̓̇͆̑̈́̈́̈̌̊̌̋̄̓͊̒̊̿̀̄̉̇͛͐͑͛͌̋̿̔̉̇̀͂̿͂̉̃̆̔̒̿́̽͆̋̀̅̍͌̃̌͑̕̚͘̕̕̕̕̕̚͘̚͜͜͜͝͠͝͠͝͝͠͝ͅͅͅI̶̧̧̧̡̡̡̛̝̪̮̞̠̗͍̞̻̦̤͔̩̪̥͎̱̫̹̳̥͚̜̠͉̬͙̤̙͓̩͚͕̱̰̫̜̫̟̪̣̥͓̩̬̩͚͚̫̘̤̳̩̲̣͖̘̯͚͇̩͔̠͉͈̠͇͖̳̺̖͕̳̜̺̦̫̫͈͉̺̯̭̖̥̹̹̱͖̠͗̔̒̽͒͋̓̀͑̚͜͝ͅḒ̸̡̧̧̧̨̡̢̢̢̡̢̢̧̡̧̨̢̛̛̛̜̤̲̙͔̖̞̖̠͙̲̲̖̱̯̞̫̞̼͉̼̖̻͚̻̦̲͕͖̤̙̜̭̥̪̣̤̪͉̙͇͉̺̗͚̜͖̼͚̹͇̯̱͔̫̝̝̜͕̜͈͙̭̳̦̩̭̻̜̞͉̻͎̝͍̦̪͇͚͖̠̹̜̤̪͚͇͉̖̣̞͙͍͉̙͈̥̥̤̗͎͓͇̗̬͚̬̜̩̘̝̹͔͙͉̪̩̣͕̼͎̣̝̟̥̝̹̻̘͔̜̙́̔̉̓̎̌̅͊̅̉͋̋́̍̿̃͛̈͑́̉͒̂̄͌͗́̈̐̌̊͊̓͐̔̇͗̈́̾͒̀͋̅͗́͊̑̾͂̿̏̉̋̔̑͑̽̅̽̇͐̐͊͛̿̏͆̀͊͂̐̎͐͑͆̓̍̽͌̾͆̀̿̋̂̆͑̈́̐̑̅̃̎̅͊͆̍̂̏̍̂̓̇̃̔̉̇̎͑͒̓͋͆͗́̉͆͒̊̌̂̈́̏̅͆͒͋̊͗̅̊̓̇̏͋̀̀̑̃͐͂́̽̑̈́̀̑́̓͆̔̃̅̒̊͗͊̓̄̓̓͛͌̿̇̒̔̽̋̀͌̃̎͐̈̈̽̊̓͛̃͗̄͊̈́͑̆́͑́̔̆̒͂́̓́͌̆̆̽͆̔̅̂̂̓͐̊̀̉̈́̽̆̒̽͊̂͊͘̕̕̚̕͘̚͘͘͜͜͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͠͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͠͠ͅͅͅ_

_That has been today's funny ha ha. Tune in next time for {. _

_Now go back to our regularly scheduled programming or perish._

Apologies. It appears the cave gremlin is broken today. Try again later n00b.

"Ya like doorknobs?" I continued to scream through 4Everfreebrony's stream chat, making him increasingly question my sanity.

"VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM" Said my Messerschmitt Me 193 Komet Rocket Interceptor in a somewhat strangeled Franco-Prussian accent.

"Paris" Said Paris as it ate a Paris in a Parisian accent whilst Paris took offense at Paris's Paris fetish, which Paris was slightly anxious about, due to the large amount of Paris it had made from synthetic oil refineries, which had been built in Paris, by a Parisian company that served the Paris government by a man called Paris, which rather enjoyed spending his holidays in Paris, much to the dismay of Paris, that on the contrary, preferred staying in Paris, despite the nagging of Paris; Paris was rather annoyed at how many times I had said 'Paris' within this single sentence about Paris, Paris agreed, and stated how annoying it was that I was making such a long sentence about Paris, with no consideration for the Parisians that would be reading this story aloud in Paris, and would be struggling to breathe throughout this sentence centered around Paris, as I gave the Parisians almost no chance to breathe during this very, very long sentence about Paris; then Paris was irritated by how often I had to go back and correct myself when Iaccidentally wrote "PAris" instead of Paris.

"FINALLY YOU ENDED THE SENTENCE" Shouted Birmingham, elatedly.

The several trillion Parises (What the hell is the plural of Paris!?) took offense at a city not called Paris interrupting their conversation about Paris, so they drowned Birmingham in White flags made right in Paris by a company in Paris, that was completely independent of the PAris government.

"Mein gott," said reltiH flodA who looked up at the previous paragraph.

"That's the longest one I've written,I do believe." I stated.

The entire country of Zimbabwe migrated to Mozambique, but nopony cared, due to everyone being focused on the French troops advancing a speeds, they advance E, which considering the trench warfare, was a massive distance.

Kaiser Wilhelm II decided to win the war himself, so he drove his truck into Moscow (God, I'm willing to do anything to get anything such as a small chuckle out of even a single person, even at the price of alienating everyone else).

Lenin wasn't particularly fond of my tactics at getting my readers to laugh, but he had to admit, almost everyone found it funny, because those who don't find this story funny gave up on it in chapter 1.

"They really missed out" Said one fan who was currently telling me how he saw people of my nation on animal planet.

"Go Glade yourself said bookhorse," Said bookhorse.

"Heh, Heh and heh," Said Heh.

Karl Marx ate his foot that he had placed into a larger than normal hot pocket.

I then got _very_ irritated at the removal of chapter 8 of this masterpiece, so I threw my cockslicerTM into the femur breaker.

I then disappeared into non-existence for a few months, then reappeared, then looked in bemusement and cringe upon the work I made in July, it was a mess, completely confusing, and not even funny. _Why did I think writing this was a good idea?_ I asked myself.

I then plugged my headphones into a headphone adapter, even though I didn't need an adapter, and it was completely redundant. I then further questioned my existence, then I looked back through this story again, then forlornly sighed, because I realised I wouldn't be able to make anything that rivalled this for a long, long time.

"Just fucking end me, child." Groaned your mother.

Then Shinespark died of Ligma, a grand funeral was held, by Grover III, surprisingly, because Grover II was too busy doing god knows what in the Manehattan Protectorate with Alexander Kemerskai. Star Swirl chuckled and made your teeth flaccid, to the bemusement o T.

"MMMM! STIENCE!" Ejaculated Jacinda Ardern, the Supreme Leader.

"That is wrong on so many levels." Admitted a slightly tortured demon that was currently squatting in a pit of death.

The positively filthy handlebar decided that this particular concrete staircase constructed from paper needed to be slapped into Swanky Hank's hoof faster than France had capitulated when your father had shat.

"Excuse me, what the fuck?" I spoke after inhaling a spoke (crunch).

"YARG!" Exhaled Adolf Hitler after taking a direct hit from a cruise missile.

"What the fuck?" Asked Lorx.

Chad then told Romania to stop pretending to be a Chad, which made Moldova rape Poland. The Bismarck then ran over the IRA, who had assembled in a closet, causing a nuclear detonation, killing more people than I killed yesterday at the orphanage.

"You won't get away with this!" Exclaimed an orphan.

"What are you going to do about it? Call your mother?"

"I give up." I admitted.

_**Author's note: Are you pleased, Fechlin?**_


End file.
